@ScottLinnen: We have a ghost. Came home and found the fridge magnets rearranged: "I see dreadful people."
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@squirrel74wkgn: I tried sliding across the hood of my Camaro, but my pony tail got caught in the windshield wiper.
@OtherDanOBrien: Mugger: Gimme yer wallet & don't do nuthin dumb Me: That's a double negative, my friend. Unlike Romance languages, English - hey, come back
@Scdavis24: Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri "What do women want?" She's been talking nonstop for the last two days now.