@WilliamAder

We have a local weatherman who often forecasts “changeable skies.” He makes a lot of money to make that call.

We have a local weatherman who often forecasts “changeable skies.” He makes a lot of money to make that call.

- @WilliamAder

You Might Also Like

@vineyille

How’d you come up with the idea?
Inventor of pac man: I took a bunch of pills one night and ate a ghost. I thought “now here’s something”

@KateQFunny

Running out of time to be a Trophy Wife, so now just hoping to be an I Finished The Race Tshirt Wife.

@HeroineAddict

Hey, people who use crystals or all-natural products instead of deodorant: You don’t need to keep informing us. We know.

@MaraWilson

Day ??? of quarantine: referred to the oven as “the cookiemaker”

@DCpierson

MOST RESTAURANTS:

Waiter: “Have you dined with us before?”
You: “No.”
Waiter: “Oh! Well, (*proceeds to describe a normal restaurant*)”

@theveganqueen

the worst part about being vegan is having to get up early to milk the almonds

@Book_Krazy

[Spelling Bee]

Her: Your word is consent.

Him: Can you describe the word?

Her: Yes.

@FeelingEuphoric

ME: we need to talk

BOYFRIEND: I agree. I was thinking—

ME: the fact that Rudolph’s nose was shiny says nothing about its actual luminosity & if it DID glow, red is the least bright light that human eyes see which is why it’s used in observatories. It wouldn’t help Santa at all

@Laser_Cat

The guy who invented doors must have been a big hero to the thousands of people standing around outside their homes.