ME: i need to talk to you about something kind of awkward
GENE: what is it
GENE: hi kev
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Hey suns wearing sunglasses: that’s not going to help, stupid. Think about it.
*on the phone*
God: I’ve read it
God: Yes, SEVERAL hard reboots
God: A meteor
God: No warranty, no
God: I tampered with Pangea
God: You think I don’t know that?
God: *pulling hair* THERE’S NO RECEIPT
Batman: Who’s he talking to
Robin: Holy tech support Batman
Pro-tip to avoid corona-virus
Lots of garlic.
It won’t do anything against the virus, but it will keep other people away.
Them: sir there’s no food allowed in here.
Me: this is my service burrito.
[alternate world with no bees]
SCIENTIST: all the flowers are dying
ME: *takes a ite of a uritto* wow that’s a ummer
*malia passes me a joint* thanks obama
them: is that a real sword
me: why would i walk around with a toy sword. that’s crazy
I love how when you walk through a spider web, you all of the sudden know Kung Fu.