@markleggett

We only have world peace today thanks to the tireless efforts of thousands of former beauty queens who didn’t give up on their dreams.

You Might Also Like

@BlvckGrip

A horror movie with an all black cast

“Ayo what’s that noise in your basement?”

“None of my business”

“You right”

*credits*

@robdelaney

Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.

@eleniZarro

Shoutout to all the bank robbers who aren’t being taken seriously anymore.

@raymondh3h3

Just cleaned my room 7 months ago and it’s dirty again.. this is bullshit

@_SoulCoffee

*sales call

Sales Rep: Trust me sir, I’m giving you the best deal..

Me: Ofcourse I trust you, we’ve been talking since 2 minutes, feels like forever

@kumailn

If I had a time machine I’d go back 10 years and tell myself “Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to.”

@theveganqueen

the worst part about being vegan is having to get up early to milk the almonds

@DavidAdt1

Me: How can I make this funny?

Them: Change what funny is.

@DurtMcHurtt

All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don’t even remember what he did anymore.