My therapist told me “Write letters to the people you hate, and then burn them.” Did that, but now I don’t know what to do with the letters.
We say “life is short,” but really, most of us expect to die in old age. This expectation exposes our fear of death, not our understanding of life. Life doesn’t have a knowable length or a right length. It ends when it ends.
Cashier: So… you don’t want fries?
Me: No, I do.
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My weather forecast is always “room temperature.”
Customer: can you get me some sandwich sauce
Customer: FINE, may you get me some sandwich sauce
Kid: How did you meet daddy?
Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion…
ME: we need to fight diabetes
INVENTOR OF THE PIÑATA: say no more
I’m starting to regret my “2015 FOREVER” tattoo.
A coven of witches with grandkids who call themselves the PentaGrans.
Thanks for following.
*stirs coffee with knife*
“Let’s do this”
*wakes kids for school*
Me: Let’s go outside & make love in the rain.
Her: What if there’s lightning?
Me: Then you get to be on top…
my wife’s friend is so pissed i made fun of his lazy eye he’s having a hard time even looking at me