We were just four regular guys who became legends thanks to karoke night and The Spice Girls

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Wife: you’re so damn forgetful!

M: oh nonsense!

W: ok, did you get the cat food?



It’s like these credit card companies don’t even care that I’m an electric accordionist for South Dakota’s finest heavy metal parody band.


I’m so pumped for this water balloon fight that none of my guests know we’re having.


Preorder now! Though I have nothing for sale, it’s always good to preorder.


My Bread Shop may have turned a profit if I stuck with the original name: Rolling In Dough instead of: Yeast Infection Connection.


Oh sure, when my cat brings you a dead animal it’s because she’s giving you a present, but when I do it, I’m a “psychopath.”


DATE: I love heavy metal

ME: [trying to impress] My Dad was crushed by iridium