Remember that time you confused a life lesson for a soulmate.
i wrote my own vows *removes paper*
“chickety china the chinese chicken”
whoops wrong one *2nd paper*
“if i had $1,000,000”
You Might Also Like
cute girl: can i have ur number?
me: [sweating nervously] then what number am i gonna use
I think Newton was actually hit by pigeon shit when he discovered gravity.. Falling of apple was just a ‘dignified’ cover up…!!
Aquaman is part fish, if you want to kill him just overfeed him.
Girl: So, how many inches is it?
Pat: How many inches is what?
G: You know..
P: Uhhh, about 200 dollars long.
G: OMG, It’s so big!
If you start with 17 teeth and lose 14, you have 3 left. It’s basic meth.
*logs onto Facebook*
*sees 347 ultrasound pictures*
*logs off forever*
I really relate to your au naturale selfies because I too was born wearing seven pounds of mascara and an eyeshadow palette of urban grey.
SHUT UP. BEES CAN’T SPELL.
CW: Why don’t you ever wear your hair down?
Me: It makes me look approachable.
Me: I don’t want to encourage that.