@StarvingHartist

Weird how people say that gay marriage will lead to people marrying dogs, but the 2nd amendment is never gonna give dogs guns.

You Might Also Like

@Kyle_Lippert

[Classroom in 2064]
Student: So how did the war start?
Teacher: Well you see, Seth Rogen and James Franco made a movie..

@MrFornicator

People who say gays are destroying the fabric of society have obviously never seen what a gay man can do with fabric.

@Marlebean

“Did it hurt?”

“Oh haha, when I fell from heaven? I’m really flattered, but I’m just not looking for anything right now.”

“No uh I saw you trip over there.”

@crouton_futon

“Oh shit I murdered someone”
“You should turn yourself into the police”
“Great idea!” *puts on badge and hat* “Looks like a suicide to me”

@MomofTeen

Newton’s amended 1st law of motion:

Objects dropped on the floor by teens will remain at rest for months unless acted upon by an angry Mom.

@mean_spice

[bedroom]
Me getting out whipped cream: I’ve been waiting for this
Gf: kinky, I like it
Me already eating pie: what

@MelvinofYork

I just want to be on record as saying that 2020 is probably not the right year for this

@bazecraze

The Spy Who Loved Me But Wasn’t, Like, IN Love With Me #RejectedBondTitles