Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.
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*looking at a stalactite*
ME: Man, look at that stalagmite!
ME: Right? Dope as hell.
*puts spider in the ocean*
“Now go free and flourish into an octopus.”
*cuts girl in half & puts in ocean*
She died doing what she loved best, making toast in the bathtub.
are you a cat because i’m feline a connection between us
Watching Finding Dory & her parents call her “cupcake.” How do they know what that is?
This movie doesn’t seem very realistic, you guys.
Dog keeps sighing melodramatically. I know he wants me to ask him what’s wrong, but I’m not falling for it.
To take revenge, I’LL EAT CHINESE.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
– Beat Cop