@hippieswordfish

weird that u can die from drinkin too much water but also die from not drinking enough water. Also u will die even drinking the right amount

You Might Also Like

@markedly

Friend: That guy looks exactly like you
Me: *looks at guy*
Former Friend: You see it, right?

@samreich

doctor: does this make you uncomfortable?

me: yes

doctor: and how about this?

me: yes

doctor: and what about this?

me: please stop kissing my mom

@turtledumplin

Why are so many people replying to my tweets with questions?

It’s a tweet, don’t worry there’s no pop quiz at the end.

@PhuckinCody

“Goodbye, cruel world.” I say while taking one too many Flinstone vitamins

@ObscureGent

When I die, I’m going out guns blazing with all hell coming with me.

*Dies eating gas station sushi

@theNuzzy

I’m never gonna tell the person I’m meeting up with that you said hi.

@bmarked21

Babies are instinctual swimmers like puppies, right? Kind of need an answer quickly.

@MattElGato

The first rule of fight club is don’t hit hard I’m very sensitive

@jellybnbonanza

My husband will eat anything that has the word “Cowboy” in it so tonight I’m making Cowboy Kale and boy howdy is he gonna like it!

@roastmalone_

I wonder how Abraham Lincoln would feel if he knew he and Shakira’s hips have the same reputation