@hippieswordfish: weird that u can die from drinkin too much water but also die from not drinking enough water. Also u will die even drinking the right amount
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@KeetPotato: a snail bet me £1000 he could get home before i could and i didn't really think it thru properly can anybody lend me money?
@bourgeoisalien: probably the most valid reason to have a kid is if you ever wanted to watch another person take 2 hours to eat 5 apple slices
@fro_vo: COWORKER RECENTLY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL: i blew a tire on a mountain road and crashed thru the guardrail, rolling end over end down a cliff into a creek. i was trapped for hours upside-down & near death until a man walking his dog found me and called 911 ME: what kind of dog was it
@sarcasm_inc: Men used to slay dragons, and here I am shuffling around like a penguin with my pants around my ankles looking for extra toilet paper.