Debit card was repeatedly declined at the grocery store today. I was trying to buy vegetables so the bank just assumed the card was stolen
weird that we call it “ghosting” when literally ghosts whole thing is that they won’t leave
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He’s an owl with an attitude. She’s a hawk who will take him to church. This fall, Sundays become Fundays on ABC’s new hit ‘Birds of Pray’!
Imagine having a baby that didn’t photograph well for Instagram. What a waste.
20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine’s Day
Shoe Salesman: (taking measurements) looks like a size 10 would be a perfect fit
Ronald McDonald: I said (clenching teeth) bring me a size 44
Quarantine, day 14. Me and my boyfriend spent the whole day setting up an art gallery for our gerbil.
I’m not saying your dumb. I’m saying you’re dumb.
I’ll eat when I’m dead
British Friend: Bloody hell its 39°; peas are in the pot innit
Me: *no idea what that means* haha same