@AdamOfEarth

Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101.

Today’s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you’re here now, you failed.

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@thenatewolf

*jumping on a trampoline*

What do you mean you want full custody?

@TheWoodenslurpy

It sucks when something bad happens to someone you hate. Nobody will let you gloat. It’s like you can’t even enjoy your own joy.

@daemonic3

Superman: I hate your Bat Cave! I can’t get cell service

Batman: Your carrier sucks

Superman: Oh yeah, who do you use?

Batman: Bat Mobile

@UnFitz

I give everyone nicknames because using real names is for people who can remember people’s names.

@aneesa_p

Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.

@BlondAmbitionTO

On dates, if a man says the past tense of “see” as “I seen” instead of “I saw,” I go to the bathroom and climb out the window.

@PhilLaysheO

Just left a note on the ex’s car saying “I STILL LOVE YOU” hope it doesn’t go unnoticed. I keyed it in pretty deep.

@Chicken_Hawk38

All i’m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.

@Anita_nap

I’m what you might call ‘internet pretty’, meaning I’m really your dad.