@TheBoydP: My superpower is acting like I'm trying to stop the elevator from shutting when more people are trying to get on without really stopping it.

@Mikecanrant: "YOU'RE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER!" - I yell at the McDonalds drive thru cashier after she tells me its 25 cents more for extra BBQ sauce.

@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Guess what I did Me: Captured Bigfoot? Wife: I got a great deal on kid's clothes Me: Just so I'm clear, Bigfoot is still out there?

@ManJuggs: Just overheard the gentleman in the next stall whisper "get out of me" and then start to cry. God I hate the Olive Garden.

@NorthWestSays: Drake Bell needs to call his child Taco.