No one rushes to view your WhatsApp status like people who have their read receipt off.
Welcome to your 40s, if random back pain was money you could get Jeff Bezos to mow your lawn
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When a cop pulls you over for a DUI at 2am on Friday night & tells you to walk the line-it’s never good to start singing Johnny Cash songs.
[kid watching an episode of The Flintstones for the first time]
“They made a show based on vitamins? This is dumb.”
Having a large vocabulary may not make you intelligent, but it really can help you bullshit your way through just about anything
me: i have test anxiety
classmate: it’s okay, jesus has answers
jesus: *descending from sky* the first three are all D
when the news anchor says “if you know anything about the crime please contact police”
dont call the police and re-tell the news story
I hate when you’re having sex and you accidentally yell out “Mr. Bean”
[commercial for IKEA]
Are you easily frustrated? Want to find out?
Times when the world seems different somehow:
– being in your elementary school as an adult
– being in a pool when it rains
– train stations at night
– when the ghost of the girl who died in your building tells you to get out or die
– walking through fresh snow by yourself