@weinerdog4life: Babies are just like turtles, keep them in water and also feed them turtle food.

@Not_From_Troy: What if we all do not exist and God is alone just imagining us?

@YourMomsucksTho: Gather close, children, as i tell a horrific tale of using a separate contraption from your phone called a camera, taking the roll of film out, driving to a photo lab, putting it in an envelope, dropping it in a bin, and then waiting 7-10 days to see pictures unless they lost it.

@Sickayduh: Me: Did you know that a woman's voice gets higher when she's attracted to a man? Her: *batman voice* I have a boyfriend

@steeve_again: British people: Unicycle American people: Collegecycle