@CrunkDriver: Welcome to your 40s, sometimes you sleep so poorly you injure yourself
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@weinerdog4life: Babies are just like turtles, keep them in water and also feed them turtle food.
@YourMomsucksTho: Gather close, children, as i tell a horrific tale of using a separate contraption from your phone called a camera, taking the roll of film out, driving to a photo lab, putting it in an envelope, dropping it in a bin, and then waiting 7-10 days to see pictures unless they lost it.
@Sickayduh: Me: Did you know that a woman's voice gets higher when she's attracted to a man? Her: *batman voice* I have a boyfriend