“WELL ACTUALLY”: a sequel to “LOVE ACTUALLY” about why it’s problematic

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[fleeing the bank we just robbed]
accomplice: play it cool this time, okay?
police officer: alright he’s clear


Judge: Approach the bench.

Cat Lawyer:

Judge: pspspsps


Are iPads supposed to be red with two white knobs on the bottom?


In all honesty, my new dating service, “Well You’re Not So Great Yourself” hasn’t really taken off like I’d hoped.


Welcome to night club. I know it’s dark, but that’s kinda the poi–
*metal screeching*
Dammit Steve! I told you knight club is downstairs!


Water is good for you? I call bullshit. My phone drank some one time and guess what? IT DIED!


I think I want to be a ballerina. Or a fire dancer. Or I want to set a ballerina on fire. I don’t know. I’m still working it out.


I’m so out of shape, I can’t even run away from my insecurities.


If stranded in a lifeboat in the middle of the sea, rub 2 FB accounts together to generate enough thoughts & prayers to lift you to safety.