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@Shot_Of_Cabo: Well, at least I didn't kill a lion!
- Bill Cosby
@KissabiX: inventor of acupuncture playing with a voodoo doll: ᶦ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵈᵒ ᵗʰᶦˢ ʷᶦᵗʰ ʳᵉᵃˡ ᵖᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ
@dumbbeezie: My medical bracelet just says “Call 911” because people are idiots
@RinzyArt: a group of crows is a murder
a group of crows spaced evenly between two margins is a justified murder
@pizza_dragon: "I'm so pissed I could punch a ba-"
"A what?" Big Baby from Toy Story 3 hovers over me, sawed-off shotgun in hand.
"A bagel. I HATE carbs."
@T_Bonezzz_: “You’re beautiful on the inside.”
- Me, to a Twinkie