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@Shot_Of_Cabo: Well, at least I didn't kill a lion!
- Bill Cosby
@ElKnuckelhombre: I must be looking extra good today because this dude with a backpack on the side of the road was giving me the big thumbs up. Thanks man!
@runawaycupcake: Ate too much salad today so I'm going on an Oreos cleanse tomorrow.
@BunAndLeggings: How old are you?
Me: *trying to math it out*
Me: *forgets birth year*
Me: * forgets current year*
Me: *runs away*
@DadZZZasleep: [pulling my wife out of the sewer]
her: this is why you have to put the toilet seat down
@KarenKilgariff: Behind every YouTube star is an Ikea bookshelf