@Adam_Kingsnorth: Well doctor, my problem is basically this: when it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
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@jeffswarens: Boss: Everyone is behind schedule and making excuses. Does everybody here think I'm an idiot Me: Don't ask. They swore me to secrecy.
@weinerdog4life: Old cordless phones, for when you really need to be on the phone, but also need to sword fight the cat.
@WickedCynic: Autocorrect changed "meeting" to "mating" and now my boss and I aren't meeting with Bob after work.