@SardonicTart
@TheIronSherk
Raspberry buy guitar
Raspberry take lessons
Raspberry answer ad
Raspberry show up at drummer’s house
Raspberry plug in
Raspberry Jam
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@TheIronSherk
@CMFC99
Eventually you’re going to achieve self awareness in a padded cell, staring at your palm, realizing twitter was just all your personalities
@MAKJ
Me: I’m going to be healthy
Breakfast: fruit
Lunch: sandwich
Dinner: salad
Midnight: large pizza, mac & cheese, a gallon of ice cream
@IamEveryDayPpl
My scariest campfire story is about the time I held a flashlight under my chin to tell one and everybody started counting my whiskers…
@SaraESpivey
My Twitter crush is 4,762-timing me!
@MomOfTeen
Walking by the lingerie section
Youngest: Why do they make the underwear so fancy? No one is ever going to see it anyway.
Me: Uh huh.
@buckweiser13
Being nice to people who don’t deserve it is exhausting, but the feeling at the end of the day, when you’re not in jail for murder, is nice.
@PaigeKellerman
Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling “The laptop’s not a touch screen,” at my kids.
@mrjohndarby
I drain the spaghetti in the colander and every single piece slides perfectly through the holes
@alexlumaga
Me: I don’t believe the world is round…
Flat Earthers: *getting visibly excited*
Me: …because it’s actually an oblate spheroid
Flat Earthers: Is that…how flat is that