hey guys maybe girls are so cold all the time because you make us shave off all our hair
Well my name’s Harry Potter and I’m here to say
That half of my movies looked wet and gray
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Wife: Why did you have to cook all of it at once? Not only do we now have to eat 5 pounds of the stuff for breakfast but the whole house smells like bacon!
Me: I’m failing to see what part of this is upsetting
Odd that the silent way to alert performers they should quickly end their act is a gesture to slice your own throat.
I always bring 2 pop tarts to work, so I can eat one now and the other one also now.
‘Winter Wonderland’ is my favourite song about building a snowman that you will potentially have sex with later
Fixing my grandma’s computer and I see that her search history is about seven various spellings of the name of the last guy I dated.
North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn’t last an hour before they executed me.
A News Reporter just described someone as “Healthy as a Bus”.
Yeah….I don’t know either.
Moms. The original autocorrect.