@ozzie31220: I've been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don't know karate.

@Browtweaten: Me: Why is my phone making this odd noise when I use it? Verizon Service Rep: *listens* It's playing Backstreet Boys Me: Tell me WHY Rep: Ain't nothing but a mistake

@Skoog: her: *gets on knees* me: oh yeah her: *goes down to all fours* me: oh yeah her: *bends over backwards, crawls around the room and screeches praises to The Dark One* me: oh no

@cravin4: Autocorrect got me in trouble again when I invited the neighbors over for a friendly game of Go Fist.

@LoveNLunchmeat: If you're a cannibal, it's technically hunting, not murder.