@ibid78

“Well that can’t be right.” – dogs watching us catching balls with our hands

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@0point5twins

Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine?

Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party.

@_2Birds1Stoned_

If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then you dilly dally in the Dalai’s deli daily.

@Fred_Delicious

Furious that Game of Thrones didn’t exclusively cater to me, the only person who watches it

@Jandalize

Picture me naked.
Wrong.
More plates of nachos stacked around me.

@Pro_Jones_

(Art Museum)

Me:*sees nature painting*

*pulls out sharpie*

*draws sun in the top left corner*

My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice

@Home_Halfway

“Hey, quick question” ~ A coworker who’s about to give you a week’s worth of work

@drewtoothpaste

I love it when websites pop up a box to make me subscribe to read, and I always enter my real email address because it’s important.

@HallpassCanada

Not sure if i should be proud of this or not, but our employee handbook had 37 new rules added since i started working here.