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@KevinFarzad: Well, well, well, if it isn't the person whose name I've forgotten.
@truegritrumble: BABY: *cries*
ME: Get in line, buddy.
ME: *panicking* OMG, WHAT GREAT TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN YOU, MR. NIBBLES?
@TheBoydP: It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
@chrisdowning: Why do people say "get well soon"?
Why don't you want me to get well now?
@djdarrellripley: Her: You are so rude... I just hate you sometimes. When you die I'm gonna dance on your grave!
Me: Not with those fat ankles!