The Chopped contestants open their ingredients box, each finding the head of a loved one. Two scream, the third is thinking “bourbon glaze”.
Went out drinking at the bar last night.
Took a cab home.
Trying to figure out what to do with the cab in my garage?
You Might Also Like
Treat your woman like a princess. Spice up your relationship & have her kidnapped. Then do mushrooms & swim through the sewers to find her.
I’ve always taught my children that no matter what race or religion, all good looking people deserve respect.
Baptisms were invented by a guy who had to explain why he was caught trying to drown a baby.
My years of napping and making out with strangers have prepared me for a solid career as a CPR dummy
Has anyone else noticed that since the invention of the smart phone, bathroom stall graffiti was moved to Twitter?
Ways to win my heart:
1) Be cute
2) Be kind
3) Be cheesecake
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don’t run into anyone you know
Him: Why are you going in circles???
Me: I’m buffering!!!