@Contwixt

Went to get coffee for a coworker.

I effed up the order, but used it as a teaching opportunity to illustrate the dangers of outsourcing.

You Might Also Like

@AristotlesNZ

Watching Mickey’s Clubhouse with my 4yo and even he’s asking why the hell would a duck like Donald need a life jacket.

@MissSassy_Pants

The first time I ever had sushi some of the avocado fell out and as I was talking I mistook the chunk of wasabi for it.

This pretty much sums up my life choices.

@jawbroken

November 5, 2010 I hate the muppets bcuz of the Pig girl, she was disgusting, i hate her with my life, she doesnot leave the lizard alone

@Jenny4ashley

A high five is like a regular five that laughs at everything and gets the munchies.

@QwertyJones3

Mankind is capable of unimaginable feats of engineering and yet the windows on the airplane never line up with the seats.

@kv8

Must suck to see your ex getting married. I wouldn’t know, all mine have died in mysterious, firey car crashes.

@TheAlexNevil

First day of school and 8’s teacher has already sent a note home with him: “You dropped your son off at the wrong school.”

@TimODee16

Remember when “anyone can grow up to be President” was aspirational, not an existential threat?