@behindyourback

we’re a divided nation, conflicting on class, ideology, creed, and yet there is one thing we can come all together on, no matter what: younger brothers play Luigi

You Might Also Like

@skittle624

Sometimes I deliberately forget to use dryer sheets so my husband can go to work with my panties stuck to his shirt.

@archerenemy

Referring to her 28-day cycle as her Doomsday Clock is wrong…

I know that now…

@PJTLynch

Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I’ve learned that I don’t need to use so many paper towels, and they’re expensive.

@behindyourback

Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn’t hiring.

@bridger_w

At my funeral, I’d like my family, my closest friends, and a high-pitched squeal no one can locate the source of

@CatsVsHumanity

The dentist gives me toothpaste when I leave. Step up your game gynecologist.

@Chhapiness

Me: *Living in the US for 16 years*

Me: *Calls mom in India everyday 9PM*

Mom: *Everyday* What time is it there?

#TrueStory

@PickleRudd

About ran over a guy jogging at 6 am in 10 degree weather, simply as a mercy killing. But my husband stopped me, explaining that some people “enjoy” that sort of thing.

So I just started chasing the dude with my car, to increase his joy.