Sometimes I deliberately forget to use dryer sheets so my husband can go to work with my panties stuck to his shirt.
we’re a divided nation, conflicting on class, ideology, creed, and yet there is one thing we can come all together on, no matter what: younger brothers play Luigi
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Referring to her 28-day cycle as her Doomsday Clock is wrong…
I know that now…
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I’ve learned that I don’t need to use so many paper towels, and they’re expensive.
Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn’t hiring.
[meeting with financial advisor] ok so how does money work
At my funeral, I’d like my family, my closest friends, and a high-pitched squeal no one can locate the source of
The dentist gives me toothpaste when I leave. Step up your game gynecologist.
I mean, really though, who hasn’t seen a UFO at this point?
Me: *Living in the US for 16 years*
Me: *Calls mom in India everyday 9PM*
Mom: *Everyday* What time is it there?
About ran over a guy jogging at 6 am in 10 degree weather, simply as a mercy killing. But my husband stopped me, explaining that some people “enjoy” that sort of thing.
So I just started chasing the dude with my car, to increase his joy.