At my funeral play the Super Mario original theme until my casket is lowered in the ground then play the underground music
Were PacMan and Ms.PacMan married or brother and sister? Have some fanfic that’s either really awesome or really disturbing riding on this.
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Advertised as a “Cougar Cruise”
Reality – Weight loss cruise where live cougars are released & you spend your vacation fleeing large cats
I’m just going to cut out the middle man and start cashing my paychecks at the liquor store.
DATE: I chose this restaurant for the ambience.
ME: Ah, very good. [to waiter] A bottle of your finest Ambiens, please.
Me: Can I get that to go?
Priest: That’s not how communion works
the other day a bartender told me his high school did a performance of RENT where they couldn’t say AIDS so all the characters had diabetes
Seeing someone’s false eye lash fall off is awkward. I never know if I should catch it or kill it.
There are four main food groups:
GHOST TEEN: [sneaks back in at 2am]
GHOST MUM: [waiting up 4 him] you’re busted!
GHOST DAD: Jesus Karen ground him don’t BUST him holy shit