@eerrriiicaa

We’re quarantined with our laptops and our phones. If they’re not texting u back, they just don’t want to

You Might Also Like

@ella__fraser

Men that know the difference between moist and wet, know the difference between failure and success

@juneohara65

“Go ahead, caller….”

“Mom, you have to stop answering your phone that way.”

@flashember

[documentary on bees]

“the reason why we’re filming the bees twenty miles away using the world’s longest super zoom camera is because of the bees”

@revenge_tanukis

It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.

@CaucasianJames

grocery store clerk: did u find everything ok today

me, who couldn’t find the tortillas after 30 minutes of searching: yes

@

a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:8:”kelkulus”;s:5:”image”;s:90:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3278807262/1fcf70b5a66e936d490699028532762d_bigger.jpeg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:18:”352111911539716097″;s:7:”retweet”;s:3:”201″;s:5:”tweet”;s:59:”The average person swallows 8 cats per year in their sleep.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}

@mindflakes

Anyone here good with computers? Trying to figure out how to attach a swarm of wasps to an email

@ClaytonSykes

Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need “lives” as if I didn’t already know that.

@ThingsJackDigs

PILOT OVER INTERCOM: I have some bad news, but before I tell you, keep in mind that the Wright bros could only stay airborne for 12 seconds