@SteveKoehler22

What a shocker.

I just ran my car through the car wash.
And it turns out the car is white.

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@junejuly12

He said it’s canoodle night later, and I thought great, I love lasagna.

@ShaunRightNow

Yeah I’m married, but get one thing straight, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanfdsskk THIS IS SHAUN’S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.

@ThisOneSayz

Save your voice calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they’ll materialize out of nowhere.

@joss

Mean people tell me “you’ve got a face only a mother could love” but the joke’s on them because she didn’t

@AtticusFinch79

Attention Walmart Shoppers –

There is someone dressed
Appropriately in
Aisle 12

@Bagyants

I deactivated my Facebook so I won’t know if any bible verses are “so true” for a while.

@3sunzzz

My therapist puts her toilet paper roll on upside down, yet somehow I’m the crazy one?

@CherBear162

Ok..I get it now..When you spoke in a normal voice it was unclear what you meant but once you screamed the identical words it all made sense

@68Cly29

I have two dogs. One named Rolex and one named Timex.

They’re watchdogs.