@MrJeberling

What about “BusinessMyspace”? Nah, it’s taken. Okay, what about “LinkedIn”?

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@crunchenhanced

Fun tip:

Go to carnivals, scatter nuts and bolts around rides to cut down on wait times.

*thumbs up*

@jackiembouvier

I wish I had remembered this was a rectal thermometer before I’d put it in my mouth for 3 minutes.

@Phook75

I’ve spent the better part of my marriage battling to get these two strings inside my wife’s shirt to actually stay on this hanger

@omgthatspunny

No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.

@TheAlexNevil

We’ve all got that one family member who’s an embarrassment and this restraining order suggests my family’s settled on me.

@skickwriter

Six words that strike fear in the hearts of parents everywhere:

You’ve been volunteered as a chaperone

@ExBoltsFan

I imagine hooking up with you would be like asparagus. I’d forget you quickly but be reminded every time I pee.