@SortaSarcastic

What am I doing with the rest of my life?

I don’t even know what I’m doing with the rest of this tweet…

What am I doing with the rest of my life?

I don’t even know what I’m doing with the rest of this tweet…

- @SortaSarcastic

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Reasons I put my kids to bed on time:

3) They need their rest.

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1) “Game of Thrones” is on.

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M: Oh…

@Try2StopME

15000 CCTVs 2b installed in Delhi 4r Obama’s visit.

This is ridiculous. Just because he’s black doesnt mean he’ll steal anything. Racists!

@Dawn_M_

People say eye contact is important when flirting, but when I put my finger in someone’s eye they never seem to like it.

@ladybroseph

“How often do you exercise?”
About 3 to 4 times a week.
“Be honest.”
2003.

@hurlarious

Why doesn’t every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?

@DaddyJew

My boss doesn’t know it yet but we’re in the middle of an intense game of hide and seek

@Darlainky

I confused the words “tinker” and “tinkle” and my neighbor no longer wants help with her computer.

@AntozWolf

I ask myself, “How did I get here?,” I’m sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house…taking a shower.