@LeahTiscione

What are you hiding in your locked instagram? sandwiches? Sunsets???? let us see your nephew!!!!

You Might Also Like

@junejuly12

The mystery is not do spiders poop.

The mystery is where do spiders poop.

@AndyAsAdjective

My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I’ve never been more scared of a drink in all of my life.

@daemonic3

[operating room]

SURGEON: We’ve lost him

NURSE: Exact time of death?

GUY IN THE CORNER INSTALLING CABLE: Sometime between 2pm and 6pm

@aveuaskew

Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should’ve considered.

@Thedudish

To make a mistake is human. To admit a mistake is stupid.

@JoshontheGo

If I say I’m going to meet my maker, it’s just me having lunch with my parents.

@1Happytwit

Satan won’t really know what hell is until I turn up with my whistle.

@Blarebare

I’m seriously considering taking up falconry. Someone pisses me off? BAM! Falcon, right in the face.

@TheJamesH1

Toast should never pick a fight with me because I eat toast for breakfast.