Why aren’t the people in old timey photos ever smiling? Because they were in constant danger of getting eaten by dinosaurs. READ A BOOK.
What are you listening to?
You’re listening to Yes?
No The Who
Oh I like them
No not Them. The band is The Who.
You Might Also Like
The guy sitting nearest to me on the plane is a wizard. He pulled birthday cake out of his backpack!!! A stingy wizard because he didn’t share, but still…
Corona-na-na-na-na Corona-na-na-na-na MASK MAAAAAN
DATE: I love playful women
ME: [dusting off an old porcelain doll in my purse & setting it on the table] Oh so you won’t mind that Cynthia joins us then-
Wifey is giving me the Silent Treatment for spending the entire night on Twitter. Win/Win, you guys… Win/Win.
I eat the free samples at Costco for lunch every day.
I’m adding ‘enjoys eating out’ to my dating profile.
Cosmetology school was a real letdown. Anyone wanna buy a spacesuit?
If you play the movie Jaws backwards it’s basically a story about a shark with bulimia.
NAZI: I’m a Nazi
MEDIA: How controversial
NAZI: I said I was a Nazi
MEDIA: Your clothes are beautifully tailored
When someone says “Happy New Years” I wonder, how many years are they talking about?