@MooseAllain

“What colour would you call this?”
“Fawn”
“What colour would you call this, o wise and beautiful identifier of colours?”

You Might Also Like

@Marcmywords2

“You can’t have your cake and eat
it too”

People that don’t know how cake
works.

@Shen_the_Bird

me: [tied to a chair] i’ll never talk

terrorist: we’re gonna make you step in wet

me: what

terrorist: with sock

me: no

@diaruba74

I’ve decided to go out on the street tonight.

Can’t wait to be chased by the police.
At least a man will finally be chasing me.

@cheeky__gal

After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up.

Now, my house looks like Ke$ha.

@GianDoh

I washed my antibiotic pills down with a probiotic shake and now I’m back to square one.

@daplusk

The only time me and a girl orgasmed at the same time,nnShe didn’t even know I was in the cupboard.

@nwntwrth

a gang that’s all undercover cops but they all think they’re the only undercover cop in the gang

@michael_J_m00n

Cops said my blood alcohol level was above the legal limit which is crazy because I don’t even drink blood alcohol.

@BoomBoomBetty

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you

…r underwear elastic to break because I don’t wish bodily harm on you but I think you deserve to be mildly inconvenienced.