Priest: You May now kiss the bride.
Goth couple: *scowls*
Priest: *Sigh* You may Now bestow one final graven kiss upon this queen of winter throned.
WHAT DO WE WANT?
RACE CAR NOISES!!!
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM??
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[first day as therapist]
patient: i’m in a weird place
me: *petting goat* but it’s cheap
God: Sorry I pulled you away from earth
Stan Lee: Nuff said!
God: It’s just part of the job
Stan Lee: well with great power… [winks]
put a pic of a girl with perfect abs on my fridge so I’m motivated to suck in my gut every time I pull out the ice cream
*scampers over to ice cream truck*
Yes, I’ll take the SpongeBob who looks like he just opened the Ark of the Covenant, please.
GUY: I think I’m done eating
ME: did you need a to-go box?
DEATH ROW EXECUTIONER: again, stop asking them that
[Carnac the Magnificent]
Liver and fava beans
“Name a winner, a skinner, and a dinner”
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth’s rotation, we were all speeding
Don’t say anything too loud sir I suspect one of our men may be a plant
*conspicuous tree in admiral uniform starts to sweat*