HI I’M GOING TO HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLY LOUD YET PRIVATE PHONE CALL ON THIS BUS AND EXHIBIT A STUNNING LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS. THANK YOU.
What doesn’t kill you isn’t earning the money I paid.
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I really really hope parallel universe me is vomiting on my cat’s carpet right now.
If I set a cheese trap, I’d probably fall for it before the mouse.
If one ex was drowning and the other was
dangling from a cliff-edge and you had one set of
ropes to save them….where would you hide it?
Did you guys ever prank your passed out friend by putting his hand in a bowl of warm water and then dropping a tiny toaster in it?
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Me: now lets do a silly one
Moving is a lot more fun when you make the Movers carry you on top of the mattress like an Egyptian pharaoh
she had an itsy bitsy teeny weeny shared belief with mussolini
How can kids be so dumb and so brilliant at the same time? My son can’t say “oatmeal,” but he calls it “eatmeal” before I serve it and “atemeal” once he’s done.