-is my toaster broken
-can fire ants make toast
-bathtub fire, small
-house fire, how to stop
-is house fire toast a thing?
What I learned from watching Star Trek: Nothing. I’ve never watched Star Trek. I am popular with friends. We don’t do that.
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Guess who doesn’t want to hear your kid sing? Everyone. The answer is everyone, so stop it.
Lube but for my dry humor.
My daughter asked me if I know how to do the Running Man, like my generation didn’t invent it. Anyway, that’s what brings me to the ER.
when horses drive past a field of people they say “people”
Dear God, thank you for not giving spiders wings.
[documentary on bees]
“the reason why we’re filming the bees twenty miles away using the world’s longest super zoom camera is because of the bees”
Text: ARE YOU ALIVE? Me: Why?
Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill.
Just saw the book “Marriage for Dummies.”
Shouldn’t there be an “is” in there somewhere?