@VodkaThursday

What I learned from watching Star Trek: Nothing. I’ve never watched Star Trek. I am popular with friends. We don’t do that.

You Might Also Like

@TheHatdog

Google Search:
-is my toaster broken
-can fire ants make toast
-bathtub fire, small
-house fire, how to stop
-is house fire toast a thing?

@JennyJohnsonHi5

Guess who doesn’t want to hear your kid sing? Everyone. The answer is everyone, so stop it.

@MommaUnfiltered

My daughter asked me if I know how to do the Running Man, like my generation didn’t invent it. Anyway, that’s what brings me to the ER.

@flashember

[documentary on bees]

“the reason why we’re filming the bees twenty miles away using the world’s longest super zoom camera is because of the bees”

@CheetoBandito77

Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill.

@HuttonGray

Just saw the book “Marriage for Dummies.”

Shouldn’t there be an “is” in there somewhere?