@tweetsvisual

What I texted:
No one like you.

What I meant to text:
No one likes you.

You Might Also Like

@robottomulatto

donut holes but for onion rings. onion holes and if you steal this idea just know you are taking food out of my family’s mouth

@MoneypennyNaked

Mom: Cousin Julie works at Google
She marrying a doctor in June

Me: I got 7 bags of Xmas candy at half price

Mom:-

Me:THAT’S LIKE 50% OFF

@Bob_Janke

If you immediately tell new people you meet you’re allergic to chocolate, you can eat all of their candy bars when they aren’t looking.

@Jewbekah

Your tattoo says “only god can judge me” yet here i am….

@Sophie2078

*receiving flowers
I don’t know why people act so surprised when I fold them and put them in my purse.

@ItsAndyRyan

Interviewer: Is it true you are the first duck to be made a duke?
Duck: Please address me as ‘M’llard’

@aparnapkin

oh nowwww everyone wanna know what introverts do for fun

@Michael1979

WARNING: Local youths in the park are claiming to be tax inspectors & are issuing fines for €70 in “gullibility tax”. DO NOT PAY. Turns out there’s no such tax. When you go back to confront them, they say they can’t do refunds without a tax receipt. THEY NEVER GAVE ME A RECEIPT

@dave_cactus

There is literally no limit to how many Kevins you can be friends with.

@SteussieErica

“Sorry I didn’t have a chance to clean up the place,” I say as I wave dismissively at the chalk outline drawn on the living room floor.