@MikeCanRant: What idiot called it British conjoined twins and not chapstick?
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@psybermonkey: [First date] Her: I love to travel. Me: *stands up with basketball* I don't think this is gonna work.
@louisvirtel: The best part of being a flight attendant has to be when you walk the aisle saying “trash” to everyone’s face.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep." -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow