@MikeCanRant
@kibblesmith
Hear me out. If Batman is canonically about 32 then he was born in 1986. And if his parents were killed leaving a movie theater when he was ten years old, then there is a very real possibility
that they were seeing Space Jam.
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@kibblesmith
@toomanytoes
“Endless shrimp” sounds nice until you realize they are serious. It’s a threat. The shrimp will never stop.
@OneTrickTofani
[the city, seeing a marching band]
DAD: Son when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?
ME: i’m 6
@KKAlThani
I over-think, therefore I ruin everything
@noogscorner
Noah: A boat?
God: Yes.
Noah: Two of every animal?
God: Yes.
Noah: I have a better idea.
God: What.
Noah: Maybe don’t kill everyone.
@all_about_today
Immortality sounded great when I was 23, but now that I’m 38 it just sounds exhausting.
@huntigula
“Robby! Hey man I haven’t seen you since we were kids!”
Rob: Hey! I go by Robert now. It’s good to see you, Barry!
“I go by Barold now”
@SuitableHolmes
Words can not even begin to describe your beauty and how much I need to borrow your car.
@discountzen
I may be 26, but I have the body of a 16 year old. Her parents are very upset. As are the police.
@LuvPug
It must be pretty inconvenient when you meet someone from a dating site and you’re already married to them.