One time I saw a biker’s funeral procession and realized even dead people are cooler than me.
what idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
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I took a “Which Friends character are you?” quiz and I got The Central Perk couch.
Visitor: “I like that cage at the end that says ‘World’s most dangerous animal’ and it’s just got a mirror in it”
Zookeeper: “Yup, thought-provoking stuff. *Whispering into phone* The leopard’s escaped again”
Boss: I’m following you on Twitter.
Me: Sweet! ‘Nother follower!
Me: Oh wait. Shit.
[home schooling, day 1]
Me: I know this is hard.
Me: I know it’s frustrating.
Me: But we’ll get through it.
Me: Now explain this math to me just once more, I’m very close to understanding it.
What I like about humanity is that certain mustaches are more evil than others, and everyone basically agrees on which ones are which.
No, Autocorrect ….
the lovely bride was not wearing
a SATAN trimmed lace ensemble –
though she can be devilish at times.
Donald be careful.
Donald watch out.
Donald look both ways.
The eliptical I want costs $500, the cheeseburger I want cost $1, you see my dilemma?
Poetry is my passion