What idiot said 2021 can’t get here fast enough?

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sometimes killer whales hunt moose, and if that doesn’t scare and confuse you, it probably should


*takes bite of Pringle* yes *nods at date then waiter* we’ll have the tube


Life tip: If you’re curious if you’ve gotten fat, have a kid draw your picture.


My problem with McDonalds is I can’t go retrieve my kids in the play tubes because I can’t fit in the play tubes because I eat at McDonalds.


My boyfriend is so rude. He hasn’t even introduced himself to me yet.


If chefs ever prepared food on the Moon, their dishes would surely be interesting, but their restaurants would have no atmosphere.


My kids are celebrating National Siblings Day just like I knew they would: screaming & fighting.