@iamnotbillyjoel

“What if a dumpster could yell at you” – the thought that led to this website probably. Goodnight

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@MakesYouGiggle

I don’t draw my eyebrows on because I can’t commit to one facial expression. What if I see a puppy? What if my house burns down?

@

a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:10:”tracy_marq”;s:5:”image”;s:59:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/1959113727/cb_bigger.jpg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:17:”82926390600663040″;s:7:”retweet”;s:3:”281″;s:5:”tweet”;s:78:”If my dad were alive today he would say, “Tracy stop telling people I’m dead”.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}

@ChaseMit

“Can we stop for a second? I forgot everyone’s names again.” – me, if I was a character on Game of Thrones

@dumbbeezie

When someone says they have a surprise I quickly tell myself it’s probably not cake. I’m tired of the let down.

@dlockw21

In my experience, people who say “I’m not trying to be difficult,” don’t really seem to be trying all that hard.

@daemonic3

Son?

“Yes dad?”

If they ever put me on my death bed… I want you to…

“Yes?”

Tell those idiots to put me on a life bed instead wtf