GPS: left—left again—take another left—ur gonna want to take this left—stay left
NASCAR DRIVER: why is there a gps in here
What if Aliens don’t want to visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.
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“lassie i don’t see anyone at the bottom of this well. are you sure-” timmy felt the paws on his back. his eyes widened as he understood…
I hope the guy who invented Autocorrect burns in hello!!
Christmas is over, all of the guests have gone home. NO PANTS.
A National Treasure where Nicholas Cage has to find the model number on a 15 year old dishwasher.
If watermelon exist why doesn’t earthmelon,firemelon and airmelon? The elemelons.
i speak three languages: english, bad french and the body language of an emotionally compromised and haunted male detective
My mother always cooked with wine
while I was growing up back home.
Occasionally she would even add
some to whatever she was cooking.
*accidentally summons malevolent demon at a séance*
I WILL HAUNT YOUR HOME FOREVER!
[4 days later]
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD CLEAN UP OCCASIONALLY
murderer: oh no i forgot my weapon 🙁
aragorn: you have my sword
legolas: and you have my bow
gimli: and my axe
murderer: omg *tearing up* you guys :’)