What if Bing is just a guy in his office Googling stuff for you and doing his best

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Honestly thought someone was just super excited about the drinks machine


I bet every time Beyoncé leaves a restaurant everyone fights over who gets to smell her chair


God: “At least I didn’t get FAT.”
Buddha: “At least I didn’t get CRUCIFIED.”


“As a student the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are ” I haven’t started either”


The mall reopened today, but I don’t have any Bath & Body coupons so I’m not going.


Barista: Can I get your name?
Me: Lisa
Barista: Pizza?
Me: Yeah, that’s fine.