@Jandalize: What if Capri Suns became self-aware and started stabbing us back?
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@PleaseBeGneiss: Me: can I get a breakfast burrito Waiter: no breakfast after 11 Me: can I get a regular burrito with eggs Waiter: no eggs after 11 Me: can I get a regular burrito with chicken Waiter: sur— Me: —pre born
@thatdutchperson: [first date] Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know? Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally
@Aikiwomannc: Karen is on the list for 2019 hurricane names. Managers all along the east coast are nervous.