@UrMindBlown

What if im actually attractive and hot girls just think im out of their league?

What if im actually attractive and hot girls just think im out of their league?

- @UrMindBlown

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@ThaJawn

Me: *empties 4’s maracas

4: *shakes maracas* They’re broken

Me: Oh no.. What happend?

@MrJeberling

Once while eating bacon I said I was “getting piggy with it” and now I have no friends.

@KevinFrisbee

“Nope. Nope. Yeah right. Nope. Close! Nah. Nope. Almost! Hahaha, you’re terrible at this.” – piece of popcorn stuck between teeth.

@WHEREISWALTJNR

I want to be featured on the news and the caption below me to read *unintelligible screaming*.

@fro_vo

“i’ll be back”

–arnold schwarzenegger getting into a 2-man horse costume

@ComedicBust

As the house burned down, my wife asked me to grab the photos, but she didn’t say our wedding ones. Anyway, here’s my dog and I wearing hats

@david8hughes

[1st day as lifeguard]
Guy: there’s someone drowning in the water
Me [not looking up from phone]: well it’d be hard to drown in the sand

@MableGertrude

If I was a bodybuilder I would slather up with grease and slide to work instead of driving to save money.