HILLARY CLINTON: Putin wants a puppet as the US president
KERMIT THE FROG: YAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!
What if im actually attractive and hot girls just think im out of their league?
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barber 1: ugh this guy again, youre doing him this time
barber 2: you coulda told me he turns around to answer every question
This one time I swallowed a gum and my mom told me that “it stays in your system forever,” so I swallowed a table to stick it under it.
Survey: How would you rate the cleaning products you recently purchased from us?
Me: I had to clean.
0 out of 5 stars.
There are two types of people: those who love terrible puns, and those who are no pun.
Superman: Where’s Batman?
Wonder Woman: *shrugs*
Firestorm: I dunno
Green Lantern: …
Superman: Oh shit, we forgot Batman can’t fly again!!
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
I don’t friendzone people. I relationshipzone them. Want to be friends? Too bad we are dating.
Bond sequel idea: His license to kill is downgraded to a license to hit people with his car but not so badly that they die
I bet the guy who invented fake dog shit was upset the name “shampoo” was taken