Airlines: $35 to put your bag on our plane
Airlines: $16 for bag of chips
Airlines: Sorry you want your *legs* to fit? $75
Airlines: haha, you have to fork over an extra $50 to choose the seat you already paid for
Airlines: Oh no someone help us we r out of monies
What if the #skywire guy starts doing Gangnam Style??
You Might Also Like
CO-WORKER: Hey, I overheard you talking about followers or something. You on Twitter?
ME *sweating*: Uh, I’m in a cult
Yeah, I’d like a job where I can spend more time with my dog.
– me at the employment agency
Why do people say its not you… it’s me in a breakup? Yeah it’s YOU, you’re an idiot! I’m amazing… ask your brother!
my delayed screaming response has baffled medical doctors and terrified amusement park goers for decades
When it’s ok to bother me before my morning coffee:
1- I’m on fire
2- You’re on fire
3- The coffee maker is on fire
4- Something had frickin’ well better be on fire
Capt of Titanic: “Mayday! We are sinking”
Coastguard: “What happened?”
*Cthulhu makes throat-slit gesture with tentacle*
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
[1st day as chef]
[quiet shouting grows louder as I burst into the dining area covered in lobsters]