What is everyone writing songs about?

John: revolution

Paul: forgiveness

George: true love

Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus

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I wasn’t allowed to watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas” as a kid because of my Peanut allergy.


*speed dating

So I thought for baby names, Lily for a girl and Caleb for a boy.


{marriage counseling}

I guess it all started when I saw him put the toothpaste on before the water…

*therapist scribbles furiously*



Her: so

Me: *noticing she opened a Gatorade on the first try* HAHA JUST KIDDING ITS TOTALLY YOURS.


me at age 5: if I get a million dollars ill buy a yacht and 14 trampolines

me at age 25: if I get a million dollars ill go to the dentist and pay for express shipping on stuff


unpopular opinion: The best thing young people can do early in their careers is to delete their dating apps so they can meet someone the old fashioned way (going down on catwoman)


“I’ll be a dentist. Then they’ll love me.”
“We’re terrified of dentists.”
“I’ll kill a lion!”
“It was a beloved lion with a name.”


You break into a petting zoo once, to try and brush a goat’s teeth…and all of a sudden you’re banned for life.