I wasn’t allowed to watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas” as a kid because of my Peanut allergy.
What is everyone writing songs about?
George: true love
Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus
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So I thought for baby names, Lily for a girl and Caleb for a boy.
I guess it all started when I saw him put the toothpaste on before the water…
*therapist scribbles furiously*
Me: HEY LADY YOU STOLE MY PARKING SPOT!
Me: *noticing she opened a Gatorade on the first try* HAHA JUST KIDDING ITS TOTALLY YOURS.
me at age 5: if I get a million dollars ill buy a yacht and 14 trampolines
me at age 25: if I get a million dollars ill go to the dentist and pay for express shipping on stuff
unpopular opinion: The best thing young people can do early in their careers is to delete their dating apps so they can meet someone the old fashioned way (going down on catwoman)
me: can you calm down
The Leg Bounce™: I literally cannot
“I’ll be a dentist. Then they’ll love me.”
“We’re terrified of dentists.”
“I’ll kill a lion!”
“It was a beloved lion with a name.”
You break into a petting zoo once, to try and brush a goat’s teeth…and all of a sudden you’re banned for life.
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