‘What just cracked?’
A guide to aging.

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The bad news is, I’ve failed yet again to poach eggs. The good news is, in my attempts I’ve discovered how to turn lead into gold.


It’s bullshit that you can accidentally make a baby, but not something awesome like a soufflé.


Her: My name is Katherine but you can call me Bunnie!

Me: No, Katherine. I don’t believe I can.


David Duke says Jews aren’t white. Eric Trump says Democrats aren’t people. So I guess today begins my new life as a purple dragon.


I decided to be faithful to my boyfriend. I think I’m really in love this time! I don’t recall ever feeling like this before.

My husband:


Shadow dancers begin making a mock hanging motion to Katy Perry’s singing


Calling my work product a dog’s breakfast is really insulting to the high standards set by the canine food industry.