@joe_binkley: What kind of country do we live in when an artist like Sia won't take advantage of the freedom to change her last name to Lateralligator?
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@simoncholland: A main part of marriage is heavy sighing to let your spouse know you are upset then saying, “nothing” when they ask what’s wrong.
@Brampersandon_: COWORKER: you got like 8 hickeys. Must've been a fun weekend haha ME (remembering not to talk about octopus fight club): yea it got pretty wild
@decentbirthday: [waking up after car crash] Doctor: Sadly, we could only reattach 8 of your fingers. However we were able to reattach all 12 of your toes
@jacksfilms: So Canada gets an entire day? What about Narnia or Middle-Earth or Westeros or other made up places #CanadaDay